“i found the only way around a problem is to make space for solutions. so today, i made a new rule for myself - if you can list it, you can solve it. i realised most of the time a problem isn’t really a problem, its just insecurities that we have about us, people around us and sometimes circumstances. i will focus on what matters now and leave the rest to sort itself out over time. like relationships. you can’t force a solution. you can however stop complaining and act or shut up.”—Deviga (via heyamberrae)
My tumblr feed had a reblog that led to a lovely post on livejournal (Pause for a quick ?!? Did you guys know livejournal still existed AND that people still use it? Cause I didn’t.) about a young girl asking this particular blogger if she should follow her own impulses/wants/dreams for her college (and really, life) experience or if she should suck it up and go to the type of school and be the type of major her dad wants her to be.
Anybody else been there? I don’t understand why it’s still frowned upon to pursue a creative or artistic life. Something that doesn’t seem “safe”. I guess I just have trouble understanding what jobs are safe nowadays and more over, how safe is your job if it makes you unhappy and your unhappiness builds up until it takes over your health, family, life, etc? During my freshman year of college, a close friend (at the time) asked me when I was going to get a “real” major since acting, you know, doesn’t really count. Fast forward six years and I make my living as a professional actress so take that, meanie.
However, truth is, I’m not always so confident in my choice. I had a really long, trying and frustrating work session today with a new acting coach. This lady is apparently the bee’s knees of acting coaches and I’m always curious as to why people become so much more valued than others who are probably teaching in a similar style. I left understanding that she is considered one of the best because she calls you out on all of your bullshit and actors really love that for some reason. I suppose it’s because it makes you bring out your true self and emotions but, um, that’s really hard for some of us (read: ME) and therefore three hours of it is pretty draining. By the time I got into my car to drive home from the city I couldn’t even remember why it is I want to act much less why I sent in an application last night to go back to school for, you guessed it, more acting training. I tried to think of things I could do instead the whole way home. It would be very nice and very easy to do any of the other things that interest me and I honestly believe I would be happy doing them. Whenever I get down about acting, I always think a 9 to 5 sounds dreamy and that is when I know I’m in trouble. I just think it sounds lovely to go to the same place every day and see the same people and wear cute office clothes and.. and.. okay, I’m out of things but doesn’t it sorta sound nice?
… Yes. Okay, fine. I would never survive it. I also get this way about being a housewife but to tell you the truth I actually do like that idea since I could run a business/write/work out of my house while staying home. With lots of little boys running around screaming. Constantly. Um, okay, hang on, lemme get back to you on this one, too..
ANYWAY. So, I get home and now I’ve had an hour in the car with just my thoughts (DANGEROUS) and I’m just done for and thinking I should go back to school for design/move to California/get an arraigned marriage/live in Europe/dye my hair purple already and then I get this in my email:
And then I saw that blog mentioned above and OKAY, FINE Universe/God/Everyone who messes with and runs my life, I get it. I GET IT. I promise to never have a job that I’m not in love with and to remember that being in love sometimes means feeling frustrated and working through things.
I am in love with Acting. But, I’ll tell you what, he is sleeping on the couch tonight.
P.S. The article is very long but it’s really worth reading. Find the part about the dragons and the snack, they made me laugh.
Image property of MaxTheatrix / maxtheatrix.com. Don’t steal it, they’ll come after me. Thx.
“Don’t just like. LiKE is watered-down love. Like is mediocre. Like is wishy-washy emotion of the content. Athletes don’t do it for the like of a sport. Artists don’t suffer for the like of art. There is no I like NY T-shirt. And Romeo didn’t just like Juliet. LOVE. Now that’s powerful stuff. Love changes things. Upsets things. Conquers things. Love is at the root of everything good that has eve happened and will ever happen. LOVE what you do.”—
I have to admit, I didn’t hate that it exists. Being vegan on this holiday - or any holiday, really - kind of blows. My family is not the type to embrace change or anything nontraditional so a vegan holiday meal is out of the question. However, after answering endless questions over the past 16 years about my eating habits, at least the confusion and jokes have settled down. And one day, when I’m finally hosting my own get-togethers and holiday meals, I will be the most excited hostess in the entire world. Don’t worry, you’ll be invited. I think you’re pretty neat.
I just got wind of this little press release. Do you see that beautiful man in the photo? That is Sean Patrick Doyle, a human being I’m honored to be friends with. You know the type of people in your life who just make you want to be a better person? He is totally in the category for me. He inspires me, encourages me, lets me disappear for weeks at a time and is honestly the best person imaginable to live in a hotel room with. He works so hard and always keeps his head up no matter how many falls he’s taken. I’m so proud!
He can currently be seen in La Cage Aux Folles on Broadway and his website is pretty darn great incase you want to check it out. I will forever and always promote the heck out of my friends because they are rockstars. Love you, SPD.
Have you read 29 Gifts by Cami Walker? I found it staring at me in my local library a few months ago when I had hit one of the lowest points of my life and I honestly believe it’s part of the reason I started to piece myself back together again. In the book, Cami writes of how she was…
I’m reblogging myself. Totally against cool people blogging etiquette but I’ve never been one for rules… Click through to read the whole thing. Give something away today! xoxo
I took a tour of Juilliard today. Just a little more proof that I really am doing this. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been there before but I felt so at home, I found myself leading the group despite not knowing where we were going yet. I watched the kids there with their parents, hiding shyly behind them, fidgeting with their hair, completely silent the entire time. I had to give them credit as I did not even consider applying at 17 or 16 or however young they were. There was an older man in the group, as well. He seemed to be in his late 30’s, a little heavyset and clearly nervous. My brain began to judge him but my heart stepped in quickly and reminded me how brave he must be. If I was momentarily uncomfortable at age 24 then I could only imagine how must courage he had to muster to begin this process. Later, I heard him say aside to another kid on the tour that he felt it was an honor to even be in this building let alone take a tour. He was so grateful to just be there and I got a fast reminder that everyone we encounter can teach us a lesson. (Plus, for the record, there is currently a 38 year old in the third year class who is one of many in their thirties.)
As the current students spoke about their experiences at the school, my heart danced. It was as though they were speaking every thought I had about being an artist. How performing goes hand in hand with being a human. How important it is to share our gifts with others, especially those who need it most and that outreach in local and international communities is something they truly value. How it’s part of the process to stumble and fail and mess up. That you have to know who you are and not be afraid to show that to others.
I know this doesn’t make sense to some people. I’ve been really blessed since college and have a great credit and unbelievable agents who not only encourage and support me as an artist but truly understand who I am as a person. If I wanted to, I could probably have a pretty decent career from this point. Admittedly, I am in a great position for my age and I can see how that is a fine path to take.
But, in the great words of Ariel the Mermaid, I want more.
If I can achieve good then why not strive for great? If I can have a decent career as an actor then why not aim to have a creatively satisfying life as an artist? If I can get work in theatre then why not push myself to branch out into camera work?
I don’t exactly know what’s going to happen - no one ever can. I’m aware there are only 18 spots to fill and thousands vying for them. However, I also know that this is one of those things that started in my heart and in my gut at the same time and when the two fires met together in the middle, there was a huge explosion of “oh my god, I have to do this" and the few times that feeling has happened before have resulted in the best things that have ever occurred in my life. If I’m gonna talk the talk about following your heart and filling up your soul then I guess I oughta walk the walk, too.
My biggest fear was that I would think of him the entire time. We met during the winter break of his second year there and since then, Juilliard and A have been synonyms. I really meditated and thought on this before deciding if I could apply or not. I didn’t know if I could be there without feeling the shadow of him everywhere, constantly holding my breath and waiting for him to show up one day. I worried he would think it had anything to do with him and when that day comes, I want to be able to look him square in the eye and mean it when I say that it doesn’t. It turns out that all of those years of him telling me he won’t let me lie to myself have finally paid off because now I won’t let me lie to myself. As it turns out, I only thought of him briefly. When we stopped at the first place I saw him act. When we stopped at the last place I saw him act. At the elevators.
I reminded myself that this has nothing to do with him. This is for me. I reminded myself that we are always brought back together when the Universe and God have a secret meeting and swirl our lives together as though we are paint on a canvas. And I reminded myself that I’m in complete control of my life. Just because I used to associate one with the other does not mean I have to anymore. Just because I used to feel sad and guilty and awful about him all the time does not mean I have to. Every time I think of him now, I send him as much love and good energy as I can and then I let it go.
Every one of us is in control. We get to decide if we want to fill out the application. We decide if we want to say I love you back. We get to decide if we want to stand face to face with our biggest fears and refuse to be afraid anymore.
It’s me, your buddy Ronen. (The dude with the crazy red hair.)
Back in the old days (circa 2007-8) I used to not post for weeks at a time, then suddenly spend a whole day posting 100s of pics, vids, and writing until I hit the daily upload limit. (“Dashboard rape”, someone once called it, before unfollowing me.) The smarter thing to do is to spread stuff out. Keeps people engaged.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) RonenV will be Performance Blogging— I have a bagful of rad new pictures, videos, writing, etc— including unpublished material from archives— and I’m going to be here on Tumblr all day (via SmallGirls HQ at bkmakery) posting it all, and reblog-responding to reblogs, questions, etc.
So come one, come all. My goal will be to post fun new things faster than you can hit F5 (Reload).
See you tomorrow!
P.S. I stole the ‘Dear The Internet’ joke from Jake Lodwick.
P.S.S. I like cookies. Do you? It would be cool if there were a way to combine cupcakes and Pizza that wouldn’t be gross.
Holy goodness, I miss this man. Are you following his awesomeness? You are, right? RIGHT?
Ever since I moved back into my actual room in my childhood house (I had been staying in my sister’s room since she doesn’t live here anymore and has a much larger room) I have been having some crazy dreams. Most of them have been nightmares but all of them have been super odd. I’m pretty sure this is because:
A) I’m finally comfortable enough to sleep really well which means I’m then able to actually dream and remember those dreams. I wasn’t sleeping well for the past several months and be not sleeping well, I mean I was up every hour or sometimes just awake for two or three hours in the night.
B) Because I’ve learned and then applied feng shui principles to my newly designed room and I swear on my soul, I can actually feel the energy moving in the room. It’s okay to think that sounds crazy, please keep in mind I’m also the girl who sleeps with a piece of petrified wood (read: a small, smooth stone that used to be a piece of tree) under her pillow to absorb any physical pains that are in my body. Almost everything I truly believe sounds crazy to 85% of the population, I’m used to it :o)
C) I think the reason that all of these dreams are nightmare-ish is because I’m finally able to release the super excessive fears, insecurities and anxiety that I allowed to store up in my body over the past year. I think they are moving out of my body via my mind and out into the Universe where they will disappear.
So last night’s dream was centered around a handful of people that I don’t technically know but are friends of friends and while I don’t remember much, I do recall that there was a person/situation involved that made me very sad to deal with in my sleep and that I ended the dream by turning to my good friend, Hannah and asking her if she wanted to go to Dunkin’ Donuts since we had so much time before we had to be back at the theatre/school/something. Hannah is no fool (even in my subconscious) so she agreed and off we went and I woke up. There are so many parts of that dream I could analyze but all I can think is, really brain? Dunkin’ donuts? Yeesh.
I love the way humans store things up or pick things up along the way and then have them escape out of their storage box and into a dream. Our minds actually force us to deal with the things that we refuse to and are blatantly telling us what we need to do or what’s going on with us. Then it’s up to us to listen.
That being said, I guess I need a donut? Weird. Think they make vegan ones yet? :o)
“Who has gone through their lives without those ups and downs, whether they are a journalist or an actor or a painter or an accountant? There are always going to be times when it doesn’t flow as much as you were hoping. So of course I’m going to fail. And when I do fail I hope I fail better and better, again and again. I am happy to fail.”—
Allen and Violet Large, both in their 70s, won $11.2 million in the July 14 Lotto 649 draw, but instead of spending their new found fortune on lavish gifts they decided to hand it over to friends, charities and hospitals.
“What you’ve never had, you never miss,” Violet, 78, told the Canadian…
Click through to read the most important part at the end. Can we all grow up to be like these humans?